Maybe
by cienne
Summary: A songfic. Cho likes Kamatari who likes Saitou who's falling for Sano. Sometimes, loving too much could hurt and letting go twice as painful.


**Maybe**

by cienne zoeldyck

DISCLAIMER: I don't own the characters and the song. They belong to people who are rich and famous. I am neither rich nor famous.

Author's Notes: Let's pretend, for the sake of this fic, that it isn't Shishio Kamatari is in love with but Saitou, ne? I mean, what's unbelievable with that? They're both cold bastards and they both remind us of insects. XD

_There I was waiting for the chance_

_Hoping that you'll understand the things I wanna say_

Kamatari took a deep breath. It was now or never. If he didn't grab this chance now, there won't be a next time where he can get the Wolf of Mibu alone with him.

Saitou Hajime sat on his desk looking very confused and troubled. So vulnerable, Kamatari thought, giggly as he entered the Wolf's office. "Hey, Chief…"

Saitou raised an eyebrow at him and his usual kimono outfit. "What?"

Kamatari smiled and closed the door behind him. He sashayed towards Saitou's desk and instead of sitting on the chair, he sat on the desk facing the scowling Saitou.

"You better explain in about ten seconds or you won't have another chance." Saitou warned.

Kamatari giggled and struck his most naïve, seductive pose. Damn it, how he wished he had breasts.

Saitou's eyebrow rose, not with Kamatari's doing but because of his sudden understanding. He calmed his features as Kamatari leaned down on him. "I want… to help you, Chief." he murmured, a pink tongue darting out to dampen red lips. "I know how lonely one could get without someone to warm him at night…"

Saitou exhaled. "Okay."

Kamatari wasn't finished and he paused, staring at Saitou. "Okay?"

Saitou hn'ed and pulled Kamatari to sit on his lap. The crossdresser gave a little shriek and was quieted when Saitou's mouth covered his.

Kamatari was truly enjoying it until Saitou pulled away.

"Saitou…" Kamatari protested, arms snaking around the Wolf's neck.

"One thing…:" Saitou began and Kamatari stared at him with dazed eyes.

"Yes?"

Saitou smirked. "You only come when I ask you to. Ties of any sort bore me. Understood?"

Kamatari tried to hide the hurt in his voice and the pain in his eyes and nodded. "No ties. Got it."

Saitou grasped Kamatari's chin with gloved fingers. "Good."

_As my love stronger than before_

_I wanna see you more and more_

_But you closed your door_

"Why the fuck not?" Sano yelled, angrily.

For months, he'd been on pins and needles, dreading yet needing to tell the man he'd lusted for about his true feelings. He had consulted friends, weighed alternatives, debated pros and cons, preened like a peacock in heat an held his breath amidst pounding heart and sweaty palms as he proclaimed his sweet, sweet love for the Wolf of Mibu… Now this?!

He could've understood a shake of the head as the cop smiled, sadly and held his hand, golden eyes teary as he says "Forgive me, Sano… but, my heart belongs to someone else."

That was acceptable! But the bastard cop who must've been the devil reincarnate just stared at him like he was some new specie of vermin and raised an eyebrow. "No." he said.

It drove Sano crazy!

He was handsome, very handsome! He was masculine, young, suave, inexperienced but raring to learn! He had great hair and a ravishing face! His body became the main topic for many fantasies, conversations and secret worships! He had a great ass, for God's sakes! What in hell was lacking in him that Saitou would refuse him outright!?

"No." Saitou said again, rubbing it in with barrel of salt and pepper.

Sano forced his jaw shut. Recovering from the shock, he glared at Saitou. "Why the fuck not, temee?" he growled, his hands fisting t his sides.

Saitou took a drag on his slim cigarette and puffed out the smoke. He glanced at Sano, dispassionately. "I'm no cradle robber, ahou. Go home and sleep it off."

Sano gritted his teeth. "I'm not a snotty teenager anymore, Hajime."

Saitou raised an eyebrow. "Hn. How old are you?"

"Twenty-eight." Sano replied without batting n eyelash.

The cop smirked. "Right. And I'm the Queen of Drag. Get lost kid."

The young man groaned. "Okay, I'm nineteen. But, I'll be turning twenty in few months." he added, hastily.

Saitou dropped his cigarette and crushed it with the sole of his shoe. "A no's a no, ahou."

Sano was in between pulling his hair out in frustration and begging down on his knees. "Pleeeeeaaaase, Hajime… I'm ready for this stuff, man. " he pleaded. "I even asked Kenshin and Aoshi what lubricant they use and all that sex stuff. So pleeease…."

Saitou's glare made Sano shut up. The boy was too young, too young, too young. Oh, yes, he'd fantasized about the ahou and all that but, he knew better that to mess up the kid's romantic notions (probably illusioned by Himura and Shinomori's seemingly wonderful relationship) of being with another man.

He wasn't like that. He wasn't romantic and he'd never be one. It'll be best Sano finds someone his age to cavort with. Someone who wouldn't leave him like a disposable rag after a few romps in bed.

"A no's a no, ahou. Now, get lost." Saitou said with a warning glare and walked off.

Sano stood there, silently watching him disappear.

_Why don't you try to open up your eyes_

_I won't take so much of your time_

"Aw, c'mon, Ka-chan." Cho pleaded. "I'm not some dirty, old pervert, y'know."

Kamatari fluffed up his hair with delicate fingers. "Oh, hush, Blondie. I have a date. Can't you get that through your thick skull?"

Cho's eyes narrowed but he managed to hide the possessive jealousy in his voice. "A date? With who?"

The crossdresser stuck out a pink tongue at him. "None of your business."

"It's my business." Cho blurted out, hitting Kamatari's desk with an open palm. "Anything that concerns you, concerns me."

Kamatari was surprised… and annoyed. "What the hell are you talking about? You're not my mother, Cho."

Cho sighed then took Kamatari by the shoulders, his gray eyes intense as he stared at Kamatari. "I care about you, Ka-chan. I'm just worried that…"

Kamatari shook him off. "I can take care of myself, thank you very much." he cut-off and walked away. "Now, if you'll excuse me…"

"Ka-chan, wait!" Cho called and went after Kamatari who shut the door on his face.

Cho gritted his teeth and punched the hard wood. "Ka-chan…"

_Maybe it's wrong to say please love me too_

'_Coz I know you'll never do_

_Somebody else is waiting there inside for you_

Kamatari stirred when he felt the bed move. He blinked sleepy brown eyes and realized Saitou was watching him from the foot of the bed.

"Come back to bed, ne?" he invited.

"Get dressed."

Kamatari sat up, confused and fully awake. "W-what?"

Saitou snorted, looking so sexy with only his pants on. "I said get dressed." He tapped out a cigarette from the pack he'd been holding and lit up. "We're finished."

Kamatari bit his lip, eyes stinging with sudden tears. "W-what do you mean? I wanted to stay until…"

Saitou exhaled. "You have to get out of here. The ahou'll come in an hour. I don't want him to see you."

"I'll keep quiet in here…"

The cop snorted and pulled out a shirt from his closet. "Don't be stupid." he said and put his shirt on, buttoning up while sucking on his stick.

"He's not staying long, is he?"

Saitou puffed out smoke from the corner of his mouth. "Why do you care?"

Kamatari winced when Saitou began glaring at him. He gathered the blankets around his naked form and stood up. "I-is…" he paused, fumbled with the cloth. "Is Sano your lover?"

Sano hn'ed and didn't answer.

_Maybe it's wrong to love you more each day_

'_Coz I know he's here to stay_

_But, I know to whom you should belong_

Cho sat at his desk, tapping on his chin and watching Kamatari in the corner of one eye. The younger man wore a sad frown on his usually teasing, smiling face and Cho decided he didn't like that expression on the crossdresser's face at all.

"What's up, Ka-chan?" he finally asked, too worried to realize his mistake of calling him Ka-chan again.

Kamatari ignored him and went back to filing folders, which he'd stopped doing five minutes before Cho noticed him.

The broomhead frowned then sighed. "It's the boss, hunh?"

"None of your business." Kamatari replied, coldly.

Cho wanted to kick something real bad. "You busy for later?"

The question was ignored again.

Cho wanted to bash Saitou's head in. "Just wonderin' if you'd like to eat out or somethin'…"

This time, Kamatari glanced at him. "You want me?"

Cho opened both eyes in surprise. "What do you mean?"

Kamatari rolled his eyes. "I mean… do you like me that much?" he repeated then stared hard at Cho. "You're wasting your time, you know."

The blond sighed. "You're wasting your time on Saitou, Ka-chan. He doesn't love you."

The brown eyes narrowed in sudden anger. "He does. He just doesn't realize it yet."

Cho shook his head. "Ka-chan…"

"And don't call me that!" the crossdresser snapped. "Whatever you say wouldn't matter."

"What if I say I want you?" Cho suddenly said.

Kamatari studied Cho's face for a long while and the blondie couldn't help but feel hopeful for once.

The younger man smiled a cruel smile. "Too bad." he said then left Cho.

_I believe what you said to me_

_We should set each other free_

_This time you wanted to be_

_But, my love's stronger than before_

_I wanna see you more and more_

_But, you've closed your door_

Kamatari stared at Saitou, brown eyes wide in disbelief. "B-but…"

"No buts." Saitou cut-off, calmly. "I told you before. Ties of any sort bore me. I'm bored now, so it's over."

The young man bit his lip until he could taste blood in his mouth. "I was hoping you wouldn't… Saitou…"

The cop snorted. "Don't be stupid. You're overestimating yourself if you're thinking I'd even entertain ideas of living with you."

Kamatari swallowed hard, then tried to pull Saitou closer to him. "Give me a few more days… please. I want you soo much."

"Just tonight. I have to leave for Kyoto tomorrow."

"Saitou, please, can I come with you?"

The cop snorted. "The kid's coming with me." he replied. "I don't wanna deal with two pains at the same time."

Kamatari closed his eyes and willed his breathing to even out. After a while he moved so the he was halfway on top of Saitou. He kissed the cop's mouth, hungrily, until Saitou's passion equaled his own. His heart sped up in triumph as Saitou pushed him to lie on his back to begin another bout of lovemaking.

Afterwards, when Saitou was sated and asleep, Kamatari let the tears come and whispered in Saitou's ear. "I love you…"

_Why don't you try to open up your heart_

_I won't take so much of your time_

Sano punched Saitou's arm in jest. "You wanna fight, man?" he demanded, a wide grin on his face. "Just pick the place and I'll be there."

Saitou snorted. "Ahou."

The younger man shook his head in feigned annoyance. "Not again, damn cop. I have a name, y'know. Say it, man. Sa-no-su-ke."

"I'm-dea-ling-with-a-mo-ron." Saitou replied. "There. Satisfied?"

Sano bristled. "Up my ass, old man."

Saitou smirked and they walked along the streets of Kyoto in silence.

Saitou rolled his eyes when Sano spoke up again. "Hey…" he said, softly much to Saitou's surprise.

"Hn."

"You know, I like you, don't you?"

The cop didn't answer.

Sano sighed then stopped walking.

Saitou snorted and waited. His golden eyes widened when he felt Sano lean his head on his back. "Y'know…" Sano whispered. "I think I love you…"

The cop opened his mouth to speak but Sano beat him to it.

"I know you're gonna say I'm stupid and an ahou… but I do. I really, really like you, Hajime. Sometimes…" Sano took a deep breath and sighed. "Sometimes, I feel I can't breathe when I realize just how much…"

Sano's arms crept around his waist and tightened into a hug. "If you give me a chance… I'll make you see what you're missing without me."

Saitou wanted to push him off and walk away. Give the damn ahou a bruise or two for humiliating him in public like these. Instead, he glared at those who stared in their direction and his face softened. "Ahou…"

_Maybe it's wrong to say please love me too_

'_Coz I know you'll never do_

_Somebody else is waiting there inside for you_

Kamatari's hands balled into fists, knuckles turning white.

"Are you having dinner at home?" Sano was asking Saitou as he sat on the cop's lap.

"Depends…" said Saitou.

"On what?" Sano asked, getting more comfortable.

"On what you cook and what's for dessert."

Sano chortled. "You're evil."

Saitou smirked. "That's why you like me…"

The young man twisted so that he was facing Saitou. He gave the cop a wet smack then grinned. "Luv yah, 'Jime."

The cop hn'ed.

Kamatari closed the door with a trembling hand. The urge to puke was stronger. The need to cry even worse. The cop had chosen him over some scrawny kid who probably wasn't even a better lay than he was.

"Shit." he hissed and got out of there, quickly.

Was it too much to ask, then? To want him, too? Was it too much to ask?

He was willing to give everything for Saitou. Wasn't it enough? His heart, his body, his soul. Wasn't it enough? He'd beg and plead and spread his legs for him. Wasn't it enough?

Kamatari angrily swiped at a tear with a fist. Why, Saitou? What did that kid have that he didn't? What can that kid do that he couldn't?

Was it because Sano loved him more? Was it because the stupid kid had more than his body to offer? Was it because Saitou… loved him, too?

Had he been stupid then? Had he been blind not to see how Saitou had started to feel for the younger man? Was it even there? Did he miss it completely?

A laugh echoed out from Saitou's office and Kamatari covered his ears. It wasn't Sano. But the laugh had something in it that Kamatari didn't want to understand.

_Maybe it's wrong to love you more each day_

'_Coz I know he's here to stay_

_But, my love is strong_

_I don't know if this is wrong_

"Listen, Ka-chan…"

"Go away!"

Cho knocked harder on the door. "Fuck it, Kamatari. Would you listen to me just once?"

"No!"

"Damn it! Open up before I kick this door!"

"Go away, Cho!"

The broomhead made his threats a reality and kicked the door to Kamatari's room down. The crossdresser was huddled in one corner, looking unkempt and miserable. The brown eyes were wide with shock as Cho materialized before him.

"What the hell are you doing to yourself?!" Cho thundered, grabbing Kamatari and shaking him until his teeth rattled. "You haven't been coming to work and you haven't been taking care of yourself! If this is what you call loving someone is then I'm glad Saitou dumped a boneless turd like you!"

"Shut up!" Kamatari shrieked, slapping Cho who stood there, stunned. "You have no idea what it's like, you bastard! You have no idea…!"

Cho let out a bitter laugh. "No idea…?" he echoed, bitterly then grabbed at Kamatari's shoulders, his gray eyes a cold fire as he stared at Kamatari. "No idea?" he barked. "It's you who have no idea what it's like to not exist for someone who makes your world go round and your life to mean something. At least, you had a taste of your obsession. But what about me?" he demanded. "You think I'd never beat myself up over a stupid excuse of a damned she-man like you?!"

Kamatari stood there, frozen. "…C-cho…"

The blond grabbed the collar of Kamatari's kimono and yanked it free. "I'll show how it's like being hungry…" he growled and pushed Kamatari down the floor.

_But, I know to whom you should belong_

Saitou took a deep breath and continued staring at the ceiling. His bedmate had long since gone to the Land of Dreams and he was thankful to have at least some time for reflection before dozing off.

Sano stirred beside him and snuggled closer to his chest.

"Hn." Saitou murmured, one hand went up and began stroking the spiky head. "Ahou…"

Was he caught, then? Was this what they called love, then? To have someone in your arms and not complain about the weight or the heat? To have someone kiss you and hold you and it didn't matter wherever or whenever or whoever you're with? Because every kiss and hug was special and every time is like the first time. And every kiss and hug and embrace will always be kept and hidden inside your heart to be recalled later when that someone wasn't near to kiss, to hug and to embrace.

Saitou mentally kicked himself. Sentimental bullshit. Now, where did that come from? He must be hanging around the idiot Himura too much. He was turning soft.

Sano murmured in his sleep and moved so that his face was on Saitou's chest, his arm around Saitou's waist and his leg across Saitou's thighs.

The cop let out a small smile touch his face. Maybe, it isn't love yet. Maybe, he just needed Sano that much to get through a day. Maybe, Sano was just starting to become an integral part of him that his days and nights, his every waking hour seem bleak and pointless without a dumb remark or a dopey smile from the ahou.

Whatever., Saitou thought. He didn't care, really. All he really cared about was how Sano seemed to fit in his arms as he slept. Looking like for all the world that he belonged there and nowhere else.

_Yeah, I know to whom you should belong_

Cho sighed and sighed again. He had gone too far. Waiting for Kamatari to finally notice him was okay. Raping the crossdresser on his time of misery was another matter. Ka-chan would probably slice his balls off and never talk to him again.

"Damn it, Cho." he muttered to himself. "You and your uncontrollable libido."

He should say sorry but was afraid of the accusation and betrayal he would definitely see in the brown eyes.

"Leave…" Kamatari had said without emotion as he lay broken on the floor after Cho's onslaught on his body.

"Ka-chan…"

"Don't call me that." was the cold reply. "Go away, Cho."

The broomhead scratch his head and sighed again. Fuck Saitou. Fuck Kamatari. And fuck Sano. Did they think he wouldn't know?

Another sigh as he put his hand on his doorknob. "Kami-sama…" he murmured a silent prayer. "Please bring Ka-chan back to me. He doesn't know it, but… I love him like hell already. If he never forgives me, I'll commit hara-kiri. Amen."

Cho took a deep breath and opened his door. Then, he fell backwards as his jaw was rattled with a jarring punch.

"You asshole!" Kamatari was yelling from inside. "Why'd you left me?"

Cho was stunned. "B-but, you told me to leave…"

"But, that doesn't mean you have to, idiot. I was playing hard to get for once."

Cho's jaw dropped. "W-what?"

Kamatari sighed and rolled his eyes. He knelt before a boggled Cho and smiled a teasing, happy smile for the first time in months. "I wanna try, Cho."

The blond was almost too afraid to ask. "T-try…?"

Kamatari took a deep breath and was serious. "If you promise not to hurt me… I'm willing to try it with you, Cho."

The blond cop nodded. "Y-yes…"

Kamatari smiled. "Make me believe I made the right decision, please. I don't want to hurt again."

Cho nodded, feeling foolish as tears sprang to his eyes. "I won't hurt you, I promise." he vowed and grabbed Kamatari into a bone-crushing embrace. "Let me love you, Kamatari…"

The crossdresser accepted the hug. "You can call me Ka-chan again, Cho." he whispered and hid his face in Cho's neck so he wouldn't see the tears.

OWARI!!!

Author's Notes: Aaaaw, sweetness to the highest level for the ending. Hope you liked it.

030604


End file.
